my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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