Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
