just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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