i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
