Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
handjob tips. give me some.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
