idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
