who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
