when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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