Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
