yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
