P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
