I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
