woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
