Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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