I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
