Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
