All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
