I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
