We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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