Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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