where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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