The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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