my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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