"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize