is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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