also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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