i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
