At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
