My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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