I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
