Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
