Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
