I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
