Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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