I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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