So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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