DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i would one night stand the shit outta him
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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