The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
