Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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