So drunk its hurt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
