You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My penis needs a shock collar
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
