I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
