Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
