Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
