i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
