i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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