Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
