the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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