Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
