you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
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Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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