do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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