Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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