Heybabeimwearingurpanties
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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