i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
