you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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