So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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