Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
