He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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