thus making me awesome and them whores
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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