How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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