They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
