omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
