i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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