Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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