worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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