If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
