I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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