Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
