Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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