Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
