You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
