Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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