i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
