Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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