I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
