that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is wine microwaveable?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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