i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My hand turned me down
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
