fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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