So drunk its hurt
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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