look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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