I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
