I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize