I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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