toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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