This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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