You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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