That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
