I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize