His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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